Why I Never Reach on Time and Cannot Face Objects Being Thrown At Me

You know how this particular category of "best-sellers" have this way of taking a certain cliché like "Why women can't drive" or "Why men can't distinguish between certain colours" and mapping it to some previously unknown statistical data, and coming to a conclusion as to how all this is entirely genetic and is in fact truer than you think! I'm sure that most of you have read at least one such book. What makes it worse is that I am also sure that most of you, while you read it, agreed with, or at least believed in, albeit resentfully, what the author was saying.

To give you an example, there is Freakonomics, where the authors make some rather controversial claims. I do not debate the authenticity of the data that the authors have collected and analyzed... not at all! What I disagree with is the manner in which they draw (or make you draw) the bridge between facts and conclusion. Almost all their work can be included in the "argument" section of the Graduate Record Examination. As the authors have said themselves, correlation is only a means of saying that one thing goes with another. What you draw out of this data depends largely on the mindset of the person who is analyzing it.

There is a part in the book, for instance, that says that a child's success in school has nothing to do with whether or not he/she is raised by a single parent. What I want to know is, how many cases have been studied, where the same child, once living with both his parents, and later living with just one, has retained his performance in school. I am sure that most of you would have, at some point of time in your childhood seen your parents fight. I remember feeling highly insecure whenever that happened. Imagine then, the insecurities of a child whose parents are divorced. I am not saying that couples should not separate. It's so much better choosing to live separate lives than fighting night and day. But that particular paragraph reeks of a certain sentiment that the authors have. In a country where the number of single parents is phenomenal, it is reassuring for such a reader to come across something that says that his child's future is as bright as anyone else's. However, at no point do the authors actually prove this by considering the same child in both circumstances. I do not completely disagree with their claim. There are a whole lot of reasons why a child may perform equally well or better. One of them may well be that he wants to prove a point, prove that he is no less than anyone else. But it would certainly be that much easier, or that less stressful, for a child to do that when he isn't insecure.

Another interesting mapping, and one I find rather strange is from "Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps". They start explaining how women not being able to drive is a result of the way they have evolved over millions of years. Men were hunters and women were gatherers. As a result of this, some senses of men grew sharper than those of women. But the basic premise is questionable. How can women be "bad drivers" when the majority of accidents on the road are caused by men; and I don't need complicated analysis of data to prove that. Notice, I am not arguing with the fact that men actually do have a sharper (whatever it's called) sense, and use their brain cells differently than women.

And so I went on arguing with people who actually believed these rather specious claims, telling them that anyone who blames their genes for tasks that can be mastered by practice (such as driving and reading maps) is just lazy and is finding an easy way out for not doing things right. But I was wrong. After careful re-examination of my habits and of those around me, I have some of my own research to put forth. I do believe that not being able to keep appointments is hereditary. It must have something to do with a malformed genetic structure, since 87.36% of the people who are not punctual have at least one parent who is not punctual. Also, being scared of objects being thrown at your face is dependent on having over-protective parents, on the basis of similar research; and since I am sure that this trait of being over-protective must depend on your parents' genes (it must be proved in some best-seller by now), I conclude that being scared of objects being thrown at your face is a genetic phenomenon. Also the fact that I can't seem to be able to overcome these two problems however much I try, must prove irrefutably that they are congenital disorders.

And We Call Ourselves the World's Largest Democracy

Scene I:
(The parking lot in my company. A senior and I are walking towards the office.)
Me: Did you vote?
Senior: No. You voted? Wow! I don't think my name is on the voting list. You see, I shifted from my residence in Kothrud, and my name is still on that list.
Me: So why don't you get it put on the list in your area?
Senior (looking visibly surprised): There's a procedure to do that?? I thought it would happen automatically.

Scene II:
(The living room of my cousin's house.)
Cousin: I see you have voted. I did too... dad made it compulsory for us.
Me: Yea? Who did you vote for?
Cousin: Hmm... This guy called... err... I don't remember his name- my dad told me to vote for him. But hey, that isn't the worst part! I came home this afternoon and found a leaflet saying that the dude is a murderer! Man! I can't believe I voted for a murderer!

Scene III:
(At the gymnasium.)
Gorgeous instructor: Lemme see your finger.
Me: Huh?
Gorgeous instructor: You voted?
Me: Yea.
Gorgeous instructor: Your interested in this kind of stuffs?
Me: Isn't this more like our duty as responsible citizens of the country.
Gorgeous instructor: Yea man! Cool, cool!
(I have a strong feeling that his positive response to my answer had something to do with my being the only twenty-something girl, without a paunch in the gymnasium at that point in time.)

I don't remember the name of the person I voted for either.

The only reason I remembered that the elections were on that day was because we had a party the previous night, and to our dismay it was a dry day. The man at the wine shop told us that it was because of the elections.

I remember my ninth grade physics, but I have no idea what the civics book contained, and I am guessing that I should have used more of what my civics book taught me since then.

People actually died to give us the power to choose our own leaders.

We say the government is sleeping. I guess they are not the only ones.

Droplets on your Toilet Seat

I walked into the restroom at my workplace the other evening only to find a rather wet toilet seat. Now, you probably know by now, especially so if you are a girl, how terribly annoying that is! And what makes it worse is not knowing whose droplets they are! That doesn't mean that it is particularly pleasant to know exactly who left the droplets behind... but there is an absolute-disgust-factor (if such a thing exists) that is added when you don't know the person!

But since I was in a rather philosophical mood that evening I made up a quote. My very own first quote! The kind that I hope someday will appear on the foreword of some best-seller.

"The droplets on your toilet seat shall bother you much less if you have enough toilet paper to wipe them away."

That done, I really needed to find a way to interpret it. I mean it had to convey more than just what it literally meant! I happen to know some cool Marathi proverbs, which sound absolutely vulgar but make a lot of sense, once you see them in the right light. For example, there is "लाडका लेक देवडी वर हागे, आन् ढुंगण पुसायला महादेव मागे!" Literally translated, that means, "Your favorite son empties his bowels on the porch and you have God stand by to clean his behind when he is done." This one is used when you want say that somebody is really spoilt. I am sure you agree that it conveys the idea more forcefully than if you said "Dear Lord! Look at that pampered brat!"

Coming back to my quote, one way you could think about it is, your shortcomings shall not bother you so much if you have the will to overcome them. Of course, that one is just boring! In the present generation, it makes more sense to interpret it as, your shortcomings shall not bother you so much if you have enough money to make others forget them.

In any case, I am hoping to see this quote in print... at least in somebody's statement of purpose when they apply to some college. I am certain that someone, someday will be able to decipher the true meaning in my words, and will thank me profusely for showing them the light! And will also, hopefully, tell me what I meant.

Moving On...

Exactly how sad are you supposed to feel after a break up?

This has been a question that has always troubled me. I have had my share of relationships, and that implies that I've had those-many-minus-one break-ups; and so far I've never really been too sour/upset about even one. I do confess that there have been times when I felt pretty lousy about the whole thing. But that didn't last more than about three days.

What worries me is that many of my friends seem to feel pretty bad after a break-up. They are bitter for days, even months after. And that always makes me wonder if I didn't like my guy enough... which would obviously make me quite heartless. So that's one possibility.

Or perhaps it is the fact that I expect very little from people. I don't really believe in the concept of unconditional love. That is not to say that I do not believe in love; I just feel that everyone loves everyone else for a reason...cos that person makes you feel good about yourself in some way. In essence, every relationship is normally a give-get arrangement. So when the need is gone, the relationship is too. So whenever I see the need diminishing from my relationship, I'm already mentally prepared to move on. And since I see need-based-relationships as a very normal human tendency, I am never bitter.

Of course, that can't be the only reason I am not bitter. Cos despite of having a very realistic approach to relationships, there is one thing that can still get hurt... my ego. I mean it isn't too easy to accept that one fine day somebody stops needing you, just like that. And normally most people who get dumped always believe it happened 'one fine day, just like that'. The human mind, being optimistic as it is, never really watches out for the signs, does it?

Also, there is the angle that I have never been too good at staying upset. Now I do have a temper that flares up at times. But I simmer down pretty easily too. Staying sour is just not my thing. There have been so many times that I have promised myself to be mad at someone. And after I meet the person, before long I have even forgotten why I was angry. I guess its much too difficult for me to hold grudges, I find it terribly hard to remember them.

But, if I really sit back and analyze the categories of people: those who can move on easily and those who refuse to do so, I see one major difference. And that is whether or not you believe that you will find another person who can love you in the same way, essentially, someone who can take care of your needs. I think I have always had that confidence. I have always believed that the next guy will be better, and so far, this has been true! (If you are my ex and you are reading this post, do not take this personally!) And most of the other people who take their past relationships with a pinch of salt are of that variety. Its probably their charm/personality/charisma that gives them the confidence. Or simply the hope of getting someone else. Or maybe because their partner made their life so miserable, that ANYBODY else would make a better choice.

So if you are currently heart-broken and angry about being dumped, just think for a moment. Are you more upset because you lost that one person you loved. Or is it that you are scared you won't find someone else. If you are honest with yourself, the answer is obviously the latter. Cos NO ONE is irreplaceable. Just believe that the sooner you get out of it, the sooner you'll get hitched again.

Success, anybody?

Have you ever taken the time to seriously think about what it is that makes people successful? I mean, look around you... there are scores of people who have really made it big; and I'm often left deriving this equation that would tell me what I would have to have, and in what measure, to be like any of them. Then, all that would remain is to get those variables in those proportions, et voila!

Is it that they are great at what they do? Is it their personality? Or is it just plain luck... you know, being in the right place at the right time? If it is luck, then I must be as successful as they get, cos I have been very lucky in my life. But I get the feeling it is more than that.

Take the example of Shah Rukh Khan. I mean look at the guy. I can't be sure if it is the pitiable state of the Bollywood movie goers, who have not crossed a mental age of five, or the fact that every year there is a new batch of girls that go into junior college and have nothing to do while they bunk lectures. Whatever it is, and however hard I try, I can't seem to figure out what it is that makes the guy click. He looks terrible, at best. His acting skills are definitely lacking. Now I don't know much about the field, but the least I expect is that he play a different role in atleast some of his movies. He claims to "become the person" he is playing, but it looks to me like he makes the character more like himself. Would you ever imagine Asoka, Emperor Ashoka no less, telling his mother that she is the most < enter appropriate word for sexy from that era > woman he knows. Doesn't this sound terribly like a similar dialogue in 'Kuch Kuch Hota Hai'! His physique is nowhere close to perfect and his personality about as engaging as Siraskar's lectures on mechanical engineering! (Now I know that's a terrible analogy since many of you may not have heard him talk, but I could think of nothing less engaging... other than Shah Rukh Khan of course.) The point I am trying to make here, is that the guy rules over an industry where all the things that I stated above count for a lot.

And he's not the only example. There are many more, and closer to our lives... people who you would least expect... people at work who barely know what they are doing, the most popular guy in class, the girl who gets all the attention. The only common thing I can see is that they can keep a crowd hooked on to them. Yes, even Shah Rukh Khan can do that, for there're thousands of people out there, just like me, who keep watching him, just to find out how people can love such a goon.

So basically, the answer to being successful, which pretty much boils down to being popular (cos there are very few people who are successful without being popular first), lies in being mediocre at what you do and awesome at entertaining people.

Why I Started Blogging...

This post is dedicated to all those people who are wondering what happened to all my tall claims of never starting a blog.

A blog to me was this mechanism through which a large population of highly uncreative people could act "cool" and bore the s*** out of the rest of the world. Of course there were some who were entertaining, but on the whole it seemed to me like those ugly, smiley-faced, plastic rings that teenage girls started wearing soon after 'Kuch Kuch Hota Hai' was released.

But all that changed over the past two days when I realized something terrible had started happening to me. I was asked to write three separate documents at different points in time: a personal history statement, a technical description of a device driver I have written and a script for a play. On all three occasions, I could not get myself to write beyond four sentences, and I realized that my creativity (as well as any little skill in writing I might have had until now) had reached its all time low.

And then my boyfriend told me something about writing being the only art that must be learnt by wrote. I briefly contemplated on going back to keeping a diary, but I figured that would turn into one of my starting-to-exercise-regularly attempts, not lasting longer than a week. So I thought, while I'm getting my daily (or at least weekly) writing practise, I might as well enlighten you poor, lost souls who seem to have very little to do at the moment, with some gyaan that I have gained through the very enriching experiences I have had in my life.

Well, at least if I start blogging, I might have *some* amount of incentive to write a little better each day. Here goes nothing!