Saturday, January 13, 2007
Exactly how sad are you supposed to feel after a break up?
This has been a question that has always troubled me. I have had my share of relationships, and that implies that I've had those-many-minus-one break-ups; and so far I've never really been too sour/upset about even one. I do confess that there have been times when I felt pretty lousy about the whole thing. But that didn't last more than about three days.
What worries me is that many of my friends seem to feel pretty bad after a break-up. They are bitter for days, even months after. And that always makes me wonder if I didn't like my guy enough... which would obviously make me quite heartless. So that's one possibility.
Or perhaps it is the fact that I expect very little from people. I don't really believe in the concept of unconditional love. That is not to say that I do not believe in love; I just feel that everyone loves everyone else for a reason...cos that person makes you feel good about yourself in some way. In essence, every relationship is normally a give-get arrangement. So when the need is gone, the relationship is too. So whenever I see the need diminishing from my relationship, I'm already mentally prepared to move on. And since I see need-based-relationships as a very normal human tendency, I am never bitter.
Of course, that can't be the only reason I am not bitter. Cos despite of having a very realistic approach to relationships, there is one thing that can still get hurt... my ego. I mean it isn't too easy to accept that one fine day somebody stops needing you, just like that. And normally most people who get dumped always believe it happened 'one fine day, just like that'. The human mind, being optimistic as it is, never really watches out for the signs, does it?
Also, there is the angle that I have never been too good at staying upset. Now I do have a temper that flares up at times. But I simmer down pretty easily too. Staying sour is just not my thing. There have been so many times that I have promised myself to be mad at someone. And after I meet the person, before long I have even forgotten why I was angry. I guess its much too difficult for me to hold grudges, I find it terribly hard to remember them.
But, if I really sit back and analyze the categories of people: those who can move on easily and those who refuse to do so, I see one major difference. And that is whether or not you believe that you will find another person who can love you in the same way, essentially, someone who can take care of your needs. I think I have always had that confidence. I have always believed that the next guy will be better, and so far, this has been true! (If you are my ex and you are reading this post, do not take this personally!) And most of the other people who take their past relationships with a pinch of salt are of that variety. Its probably their charm/personality/charisma that gives them the confidence. Or simply the hope of getting someone else. Or maybe because their partner made their life so miserable, that ANYBODY else would make a better choice.
So if you are currently heart-broken and angry about being dumped, just think for a moment. Are you more upset because you lost that one person you loved. Or is it that you are scared you won't find someone else. If you are honest with yourself, the answer is obviously the latter. Cos NO ONE is irreplaceable. Just believe that the sooner you get out of it, the sooner you'll get hitched again.
Posted by Renuka at 8:54 PM