Theory #3703

Theorem: Everyone has a particular quality for which they yearn to be admired. More often than not, only people who are close to them can see this quality.

Postulate: If you want to get close to someone tout de suite, the surest way to do this is compliment him/her on this quality.

This is not terribly hard to see. For notational convenience, lets call this quality your Mojo.

Now this may not actually be your Mojo; it might just be something you believe you have. For example, I think of myself as a good listener. But, since I talk/argue a lot, its not the first thing people will say about me. In fact, I can almost see some of you smile and say "yea right" in your heads. People's notion of a good listener is often someone who is quiet and sane, and since I am not either, it's harder for me to bag the compliment. Even more often, when people want a listener, they want an obeyer or someone who merely nods along while they speak. I usually raise points where I do not agree, especially when I find something illogical. But shouldn't that be proof of the fact that I was not only listening, I was also thinking about what you were saying? That being said, maybe being a good listener does involve being people's idea of a good listener... so maybe I am not one. However, the point is, if someone said that to me, it would make a better compliment than something else.

Now, coming to the Mojo. This is not just any quality. This one is special. For some, it is their depth of knowledge, for some their sense of being cool, their maturity, their ability to balance different things in life, their sense of style or something more abstract. I have also noticed that often this quality is not the most obvious. I cannot be sure of this, but it might have to do with the image you had of yourself as a child... which might be why down the road, you began to behave less like the Princess or Batman or Einstein, and eventually, it stopped showing.

Anyhow, I have often found it very effective whenever I can capture this quality. There is a sudden sense of closeness to the person. They feel you understand them somehow and suddenly open up to you. Like an instant connection. Like you were able to get to the true person they are (or believe yourself to be). Of course, if you look at your friends or family, you will see that the ones you are closest to, are able to recognize your Mojo.

Unfortunately, the converse is also true. If you are not able to admire someone for that quality, it is almost certain that you will not get that connection. You may be a cute couple on the outside, but there will always be a sense of not getting it.